I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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