My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
