is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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