i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize