i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nutella sex= disaster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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