some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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