Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
