is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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