I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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