Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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