At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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