I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
