Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
