Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
