so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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