How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
