ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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