Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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