I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
