i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
