My hand turned me down
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
