I hate all girls vehemently.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everyone says I win the strip club
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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