Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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