i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
