no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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