I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize