Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
