My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
