I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
