no, he came in my armpit
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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