Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
