I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
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