I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
