you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
