you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
