and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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