Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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