i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
