his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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