It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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