people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
