The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
