I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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