i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
