Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
