mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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