There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She bit a glass in half.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
