Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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