The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
