If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
