i need an iv and a liver transplant
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
