my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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