Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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