did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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