guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
