He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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