saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
