He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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