why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
