In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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