He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
