Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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