Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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