Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
