Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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