So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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