What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The adults are the big ones right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
