she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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