we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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