He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
