When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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