he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
