i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
