Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
