turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize