he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
