all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
